Where's the Beef (From)?

Nicolette Hahn Niman asked herself a very important question one day. "Where does my food come from?" The answers have been frustratingly hard to come by and resulted in her book "Righteous Porkchop: Finding a Life and Good Food Beyond Factory Farms."

This has been on my mind a lot lately. I've become increasingly uncomfortable with not only the amount of meat that my family eats but also where it comes from, how it has been raised. I don't have a moral problem eating meat. I believe there is something to honoring the spirit of another animal in taking it into my body for sustenance. But that doesn't work if the animal is raised in inhumane conditions, which the vast majority of them are. Then you are just feeding your body a legacy of sickness, pollution, and in my mind, despair.

With that in mind, I've become resolved to eat less meat and better meat. The big obstacle for me is cost and access. Food purchasing in this country is all about convenience. We go to one huge grocery store and get everything. And I like that, saves me time. But most grocery store products have been transported from all around the country and, in some cases, the world. Not only does that mean this food has a large carbon footprint, you have to wonder about it's freshness or what has been added to preserve it. And we all know that organic products are more expensive. I don't want to spend more money on groceries.

Ultimately though, I can't come to any other conclusion than that the health of my family and my moral obligation not to support the inhumane treatment of animals is worth a little money and time. So the plan is to buy better meat and animal products, which means buying less. Of course, that's a healthier choice in itself. Americans, in general, eat far more meat than what is good for our bodies.

Huffington Post features an article today by Hahn Niman. Avoiding Factory Farms: An Eaters Guide is super informative. She also has a blog which is not updated very frequently though it has some interesting food news items posted.

In the meantime, I need more meatless recipes. Please share your favorites in the comments!

** Ok it's been cracking me up all day that the next thing you see below is "Turkey Time!" And that the picture prominently shows factory farmed ground turkey... This is new for me, a work in progress....**

It's Turkey Time!

With Halloween '09 in the bag, it's time to talk turkey. Of course my mother in law/bestie, Linda, and I are planning a big Thanksgiving dinner but we don't have to go to all that trouble to get some turkey in our mouths. I got to thinking, how could I translate a full T-giving dinner into something that works for a weeknight dinner? The answer: Thanksgiving Meatloaf.

I got the idea from a handy little site called Mama, What's for Dinner? which is basically just a recipe database. But I didn't really follow their recipe, I went my own way. I'm a renegade like that.
.

Ingredients:

2 lbs ground turkey
1/2 onion, diced
2 celery stalks, diced
3/4 cup cranberry sauce, I used the jellied kind but pureed would work too
1 TBSP soy sauce
1 tbsp worchester sauce
1 egg
1/3 cup chicken broth
1.5 cup Stove Top stuffing unprepared
3 cloves garlic, crushed
salt and pepper

1. Preheat oven to 350.
2. Combine cranberry and soy sauces, separate into 1/2 and 1/4 cups.
3. Mix all wet ingredients - egg, broth, garlic, worchester, and 1/2 cup of cranberry mixture.
4. Add meat and mix (your hands are the best tool, gross but true).
5. Add celery, onion, stuffing, salt and pepper, and any herbs you might want to add, mix.
6. Transfer meat mixture to loaf pan or shape a loaf in a 9x13 baking dish.
7. Cover the top with remaining cranberry mixture.
8. Bake for about 1 hr.

I served with mashed potatoes and broccoli. And leftovers made fantastic sandwiches the next day. Yum!

Not Buying It

I love the false choice here. If you have to have a crappy sugar filled faux pastry make sure it's baked! Also, I'd like to know what their definition of "good" is because I find it really hard to believe that Pop Tarts are a good source of anything besides empty calories. I can't blame them for trying, obviously they want to sell their stuff. But I wish they had the balls to compare themselves to an apple.

Banana Republic Jewelry Designers are BR-inging It

Banana Republic Jewelry 2009 by KateofallTrades featuring Banana Republic jewelry

I want all of it! Are they totally reading my mind? I've always felt that Banana Republic does a good job offering unique and quality jewelry but this fall I'm a little blown away. Though not pictured, the bracelets are great too. Need it, want it, must win a $1,172 shopping spree at BR.

Soup's On

I've been making this soup on a pretty regular basis lately. It's perfect for fall and my man loves it. One batch is enough for a dinner for three and 4-5 lunch servings during the week. I serve with a little cheese on top, crusty bread and salad.

Hearty Lentil and Sausage Soup

Ingredients:

1 TBSP extra virgin olive oil
1 lb Italian sausage, casings removed (sweet, mild, or hot)
1 medium onion, finely chopped
4 stalks celery, finely chopped
4 carrots, finely chopped
3 cloves garlic, minced
28 oz crushed tomatoes
6 cups chicken, beef or vegetable broth
1 cup red wine
2 cups dry lentils, rinsed and sorted
4 bay leaves
course salt and ground pepper
1-2 TBSP curry powder
1/2 cup red wine vinegar

In a large pot heat oil. Add sausage and brown, about 4-6 minutes. Add onion, celery, garlic and carrots, season with salt and pepper. Stir occasionally, cook until onion softens, about 3-5 minutes. Add tomatoes, broth, wine and water and bring to boil. Reduce to simmer and add lentils and bay leaves. Cover but tilt the lid so air can escape and let cook for about 45 minutes, until lentils are soft. Add red wine vinegar and season with salt and pepper to taste. Remove bay leaves and serve.

Two Ways to Skin...

It would be selfish of me not to tell you about two make-up products I've been loving lately.

A little background. I have nice skin. Not perfect, but nice enough to feel lucky. So I don't need a foundation which is good because I can't stand wearing it. But I do need some coverage, those tiny red veins on my cheeks are not hot, the dark circles under my eyes do not flatter and neither do my ever expanding pores.

Tinted moisturizers are nothing new but I've never used one I like better than Olay Definity Color Recapture. This nearly sheer moisturizer gives me just the right amount of coverage with the promise to even out my skin tone over time. I've been using it for a few months now and it's working.

To battle those sad under eye circles, my sister turned me on to Boi-ing "industrial strength concealer" available at department stores. I've never used a better concealer. I cannot overstate this: run don't walk. You'll be so glad you did.

Firefly

My sister made the costume. She used an adhesive tap light for the light covered with wire and yellow cellophane. A lot of the neighbors didn't get it at first but that's not too surprising when you consider that we don't lightning bugs or fireflies here. But more than one person said it was the best costume they saw that night. Thanks Aunt Callie!

Uh oh

I have screwed up my blog template and I can't go back to the old one. In the long run, this is a good thing but, please hang in there while I work it out. It's gonna take a minute. Ugh...

Skele-tons of Fun!

Last weekend my mother in law, the amazing Linda P., and I collaborated on a Halloween wreath. Neither of us are particularly crafty but we figured this project would be easy enough. It was.

We assembled our supplies; a plastic black wreath, large plastic spider, six small skeletons, colored glitter, spray adhesive, spray glitter, and wire. We prepped an outdoor table with newspaper. Couldn't possibly do this is inside, the fumes were bad.

First step was to glitter the skeletons. We covered them on all sides with purple, silver or orange glitter after coating them with the spray adhesive.

Once they were dry, we used wire to attach them to the wreath. We strung the spider from the middle and then gave the whole thing a healthy coat of silver spray glitter. Done! Could not have been easier to custom make this cute (and TERRIFYING, mwaa aa aa) Halloween wreath.

Ta da!

Thanks for Holding

Hello? Are you there? Wow, sorry. You were on hold a long time. Thank you so much for your patience. I hope the music wasn't too annoying. So, where were we?

After all this time off I am finally ready to pick this blog up again. I'm really excited about it. I've got my motivation pinpointed, my goals established and my priorities set. I'd lost my way for awhile there, or maybe I should say that life's winds changed my course for a minute (or a year). I've learned a lot about pacing and expectation, balance and acceptance. Stepping away from the blog helped me figure out exactly what it is to me. Simply, it's a place to organize and express my ideas, recipes, and plans while simultaneously acting as my writing practice. Somehow along the way, last year, I let it feel like something more than that, something with pressure. And since that was no fun, I didn't want to play anymore. But, I do want to play so pressure has been banned from the playground. Cause I make the rules.

So much has happened since June, like, the whole summer. But instead of reading about it, just sit back and watch this.

Please Hold

I don't think I need to officially announce some kind of break on this blog, you have eyes. But I do want to acknowledge that I am not posting. I am doing well, still thinking up great problem solving solutions to all kinds of life's obstacles, making yummy things to eat, taking on projects., and honestly clothes are better than ever. But I just haven't felt compelled to blog about it. Or rather, on a daily basis, I haven't made the time to pull everything together.

For awhile I was trying to figure out why, often wondering what exactly my problem is. But I don't think I have a problem, I'm just doing other things with my time. I'm definitely not interested in pulling the plug permanently because I hope my path will lead me here again. But for now, please hold.

April Showers, May Flowers

After a long wet winter my flower beds were a-shamble. I don't really like gardening but I cannot abide a junky looking house. So I buckled down, visited the nursery, dug out the weeds, and did some planting. It only took about two hours. Not too bad for such a huge improvement. See?

And in breaking news, my first rose bloom has opened up!

It Was Mother's Day Yesterday

Ugliest Mother's Day gift ever? I think maybe. No offense to W but it's just not that aesthetically appealing.

Ben and W gave me flowers and cards which suit me just fine (W signed his own name!). The only thing I wanted was one of these rotating cheese graters. But how could Ben know that I'm on the market for a gadget that will get cheese into my mouth faster? Well, maybe it's a given.

W treated me to a day of sassy obstinance. He was definitely making me earn my "special day." Let's just say it's a good thing he's cute. And smart, and funny, and awesome...

Bitten

Like teenage girls all over the land, I've got a crush on a fictional vampire. And it's kind of taking over my life. I've been reading the Twilight Saga. Every spare moment for the last two weeks has been devoted to reading...and sighing. (Edward is just so dreamy...)

I have lots of thoughts about why these books have become so culturally significant and I'm looking forward to sharing them. I think there's something interesting going on here. And obviously there is something super hot going on. See?

Yeah....you understand, right?

My Mind on My Money and My Money on My Mind

Several weeks ago I caught Ben throwing away a half full box of Frosted Mini Wheats. When I protested he wondered what the big deal was. As I pointed out, there's a depression on and there might soon come a day that he would give anything to have those stale mini wheats back. And I was only kind if joking.

The state of the economy has definitely changed the way I value pretty much everything. I am careful to not waste food and to keep our clothes in good shape. (Though I did throw out a pair of W's jeans that did a poor job of containing some explosive diarrhea last week). I'm careful to visit the discount meat section at the grocery store and have identified what items should be purchased at Costco, showing great discipline to avoid the numerous money traps there. I shop around for bargains and really think about what I want (materially and in life) before I make purchases. Even small ones.

Neither Ben nor I feel insecure about our jobs. We're paying the bills, we're staying afloat and we're extremely grateful for that. So much so that we realized that we needed to work harder at managing our money and coming up with creative ways to save more. We feel we have a moral responsibility to be good stewards of the blessings we've been given. I'm not sure we really understood that until things got so bad for the country (and world) as a whole. So in a way, the recession has been good for us.

We are now budgeting very carefully and tracking every dollar we spend. I found a great Excel based budget planner online that I downloaded for $9.95. It allows us to set a budget, accounting for all kinds of different expenses, track actual spending and compare. It's a great value for the cost, far cheaper than Quicken and other home accounting software. Daily tracking takes discipline but the accountability that it creates is super helpful. Whenever Ben or I spend anything, we send the other a text. Both to have a record of it so we remember to enter it in, but also to make our spending transparent.

Money was always something that scared me and in my life I've had the tendency to hide from it. But that's a mistake and one that I'm hell bent on fixing. If you are disengaged from your finances, I urge you to take control of it ASAP. There aren't many things we can control in life but your money is one of them. It's very empowering to face it and make your money work for you, instead of the other way around. And I truly think that working hard at this with Ben has been great for our marriage. It solidifies our partnership and reinforces our shared values.

I'm sure I'll be talking about bargain hunting and thrifty living a lot around here. I'm actually beginning to see it as a game that I intend to win. And if you've got any great money saving ideas, please share.

Colors for Spring 2009

Each season Pantone, the global authority on color standards for the design professions, releases their color trend report. These are the colors you'll see all over the racks as you shop for your summer wardrobe. Picking up a few inexpensive items in these colors is a cost effective way to bring your look current or dress up neutrals. Here's a little inspiration to get you started.

Wedge Pledge

As I start to figure out what clothes I will need for Spring I have two major problems. One, I'm way out of touch with fashion right now. I haven't been to Forever 21 in months, like maybe five of 'em. Two, I have very little spending money. Our pennies are pinched, our purse strings tightened. So not only do I have to figure out what to buy and where to buy it, I have to find it for like five cents.

The first item on my list is a wedge sandal in light brown or tan. Going for the crazy long legs look. I've been scouring the internet for all my options and especially at the best price. There are lots of great sandals out there but not many for less than $50. But I'm developing quite the nose for bargains and I found my sandals at Victoria Secret. Should have known, you can always count on them for a cheap pair of four inch heels. Their strappy wedge will set me back just $35.

But I do have one concern. Four inches? They do have a one inch platform so they won't feel so high on my feet. But that would still make me 5'10"! I like being tall in shoes but I'm concerned I'll feel wobbly and look ridiculous walking in them. If it were the economy of the 90's, I'd just buy them and see if they work. Instead I'm going to make a trip to Macy's and try on shoes of a similar height before I buy. Time is money (saved), is appropriate wedge sandal, is me looking cute this summer. And since I know you'll be anxiously waiting, I'll let you know how it all works out.

One Ticket for the 12:30 Show Please

Do you ever go to the movies by yourself? If you don't, allow me to make the case.

Since having a kid it's become clear that the only way Ben and I will get to see a movie more than twice a year is to go alone. Last month I saw Slumdog Millionare in the morning, he saw it that night. We like movies, we don't want to get a babysitter just to go see one together, so we pragmatically go alone.

I've done this several times now and I'm beginning to notice something wonderful. I always seem to have the best conversations with myself each time I head out on my own. Something will be on my mind and invariably the movie will relate to that in some way and there in the theater I have the opportunity to experience my emotions in a nice safe, contained, private space.

OK, I know that might not sound all that appealing. And it definitely sounds like therapy talk (it is like therapy). But I've always felt that feeling the emotions of life (good and bad) are what make us feel alive. Those feelings create awareness if you sit with them for a minute and being in a movie theater kind of forces that. You might think the movie would be a distraction but I don't have that experience. Movies are supposed to draw out emotions, that's kind of the whole point. Instead the actual movie just helps me move through the story of my own thoughts.

Let me give you an example. When I went to see Sunshine Cleaning yesterday, I was thinking about W. He's been doing this thing lately which to me is so symbolic of youth, innocence, and childhood. A huge fan of all things airplane, he pretends that he is one. He puts his arms out, runs down the "runway" to take off, and then flies serenely around. He makes noises, "Those are my sound effects guys" he said yesterday, just so we'd be clear on that. Seeing him fly around with his arms out, pretending he's up in the clouds is just the sweetest, sweetest thing.

It got me thinking about childhood and how precious it is. A time in your life where you can be an airplane (not the pilot by the way, he's specifically said he wants to be the airplane). And as his mom it's my job to protect his childhood as much as possible (and still let him grow up, such an impossible task). Sometimes it feels like there are so many threats to childhood, to innocence. And I fear for him because I know I can't control what happens all the time. I know a divorce won't pre-maturely mature him like it did for me but there are just a million things that could happen.

So this was on my mind as I watched the movie with main characters still working out the trauma of their mom's suicide well into adulthood. Flashbacks designed to recall the very moment their childhoods ended. I know about losing a parent. So the tears I was wiping away were for myself and for fear of W ever knowing a feeling similar.

But the movie moved on towards a tidier ending and so did I. I can't control everything and I don't want to worry about any of it. I can do my best to protect W's bubble for as long as possible, and I will. I can love him and teach him to love himself, this being the most important part of preparing him for the big world out there. As I left the theater it occurred to me that I might not have let myself really explore and release those feelings if I hadn't gone to the movie. Instead I would have just pushed down the nagging fear of things I can't control as I busily cleaned the kitchen with one eye on the TV.

When I got home W was wearing brown pants and a white shirt, flying around the kitchen, being a UPS plane, "carrying boxes not people mama." Soon he came in for a landing and a big hug from mom.

So Clutch

I'm loving these adorable hand-embroidered clutches. Found them in an Etsy shop called MISMA. At $75 each, they're not in my Spring budget. But somebody should have one of these. So cute with a sun dress or jeans! Buy it, let me live vicariously through you.

Yoga on a Shoestring

Yoga is really expensive. Rates per class in my area are about $14 at most studios, monthly rates from $125-199. In New York City you're looking at $20-25. Per class. That's nuts.

But I want to do tons of yoga. So what's a penny pinching aspiring yogi to do? Well, if you're me you research all the studios in town, building a spreadsheet listing all the introductory specials offered to new students. Most studios will give you a week free, or two weeks for $20. I found a few that offer new students a month of unlimited classes for $29. When I'd finished my spreadsheet I added it all up. I figured out that I could have six months of yoga for $255!

OK, so it would be a lot of work, switching studios every week or two. And not all of them are conveniently located for me. But besides the savings, visiting so many would expose me to a variety of yoga styles and teachers. That will help me choose the right place for me.

Another thing I learned, perusing all those websites, is that many studios offer community rate classes. Reduced to $7 or $8, there are only a few offered at any one studio each week but if I'm willing to make the rounds, I could have yoga every day and save a bunch.

I guess this proves I'll bend over backwards for a good deal! (I love puns. I should be locked up in the punitentiary!)

Book Club: The Menu

Recently I decided to start a book club. I saw it as a way to counter balance the isolation I experience working from home. I specifically approached women that I had met but didn't really know. They were girls that I wanted to get to know and I liked the idea of getting to know them by reading books together. For our first book we chose Sara Gruen's Water for Elephants and had our first discussion this week which I hosted at my house.

We'd set the time for 6:30p so I wanted to provide snacks substantial enough to feel like dinner but without the fuss. This is what I came up with:

• Antipasto pasta salad
• Cheese plate (goat, swiss, white cheddar) and crackers
• Fruit
• Oatmeal raisin chocolate chip cookies (thanks Ben!)
• Wine

I'd never made this pasta salad before. The idea came to me last week when I was wondering how I could get more salami, pepperoncinis, and cheese into my mouth. Despite being a bit of an oxymoron, I thought pasta would be a great conduit for the antipasto staples I love. I googled up a recipe and found one by Emeril Lagasse which I used as the base for mine. I always tweak stuff like this so I changed some of the values in the recipe to match what I did. But in short, I cut the oil in the vinaigrette to just a quarter cup and increased the vinegar to cut fat. I also added half a cup diced red onion and a quarter cup pepperoncinis.

And it did turn out well, crazy well. I think this might be one of the best things I've ever made. Even now, days later, I am still giving myself high fives and pats on the back. As a side or a main dish, this salad is sure to please. It has a bit of heat so leave out the red pepper flakes if you want something milder.

World's Best Antipasto Pasta Salad

Ingredients:

* 2 tablespoons plus 1/2 teaspoon salt
* 1 tablespoon olive oil
* 1 pound rotini pasta
* 2 teaspoons minced garlic
* 2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar
* 1 teaspoon dry Italian herb mixture
* 1/2 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
* 1/4 teaspoon crushed red pepper
* 1/4 cup extra-virgin olive oil
* 1 1/2 cups 1/4-inch cubes provolone
* 1 cup thinly sliced oil-packed sun-dried tomatoes, drained
* 1 cup thinly sliced salami (1/4 pound)
* 1 cup thinly sliced prosciutto (1/4 pound)
* 2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh parsley leaves
* 2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh basil leaves
* 1/2 cup diced or finely sliced red onion
* 1/5 cup sliced pepperoncinis

Directions:

Combine 2 tablespoons salt, the olive oil, and 4 quarts water in a large pot over high heat and bring to a boil. Add the rotini and cook, stirring occasionally to keep the pasta from sticking together, until just al dente, about 9 minutes.

Meanwhile, mash together the garlic and remaining 1/2 teaspoon salt in a large bowl. Add the balsamic vinegar, Italian Essence, black pepper, and crushed red pepper. Whisk to blend. Gradually whisk in the olive oil.

Drain the rotini and rinse under cold running water until cool. Add to the vinaigrette, along with the provolone, tomatoes, salami, prosciutto, parsley, and basil. Toss to mix. Serve immediately or cover and refrigerate until ready to serve. Let the salad return to room temperature before serving.


It's amazing. Trust me, you want to eat this!

Somethin'

I probably would have written several days ago if I could have come up with an opening line. I still don't have one but I'm tired of nuffin' and want to do somethin'. It's hard to start again after so long, how do you bridge the gap? I don't really know but one thing is for sure, whatever this post is, that's it.

Does such a long break require an explanation? Of course the answer is only if I want to give one, which I kind of do. If for no other reason than to organize myself. And possibly bring any lingering readers (there can't be many) in on my story. This is a personal blog after all.

I've sort of talked in circles about my "difficult Fall" with regard to stress. It was actually more like a flare up of the anxiety/depression that I've dealt with for many years. Most of the time I manage just fine, my life is not greatly affected by it. But once every 8-10 years something seems to trigger more serious anxiety. That happened for me on September 29. Was just working and a non-issue work situation arose that just triggered panic. I'm still not totally sure why it happened but it has taken months to work out some theories. It's very unfortunate that it was a work related trigger because work is so inescapable. And after I panicked once, I was extremely nervous about it happening again. Which it did...a bunch.

It's been my experience that anxiety kind of takes over. When I'm in it, I can't feel happy, love, joy or really anything besides fear. When the fear subsides, I just feel sad for being taken out of my life. This is especially hard as a mom. I generally did a good job with Will but a few times it was clear how clued in he was. One day he asked me why I was so scared. Then he told me it would be OK. He was right, of course. But that made me very sad.

From the very beginning I knew I had to face this. My whole life couldn't fall apart, that just wasn't an option. My first step was to begin seeing a therapist. There I began to unravel the larger issues for me. The things that made me so upset at work were all about making mistakes, not doing a flawless job. I was really afraid of being in trouble. I felt overly responsible for things that were outside my control or not even my job. This is not something I've knowingly struggled with at work before though in my life I've always had a hard time with making mistakes. I can be really hard on myself in that way. Therapy has helped me learn to notice the beliefs and thoughts I have about myself, the mean things I tell myself. And it's helping me replace those things with something true.

I also decided to stop going to boot camp. After more than a year, I'd lost 40 lbs and essentially accomplished all the goals I had. And I felt that the energy required for that kind of rigorous program wasn't what I had to give, or even wanted to anymore. So instead I began a yoga immersion course - hatha five days a week for a month (my course is over but I am still practicing several times a week). And at the same time I took a meditation class at the local new age bookstore. The idea around both was twofold. First to learn more about controlling my thoughts instead of just letting them carry me a way. And second, to be "in my body" enough to notice that anxiety (for me) is a very physical experience. I generally have a physical sensation first (cold sweats, racing heart, upset tummy), and then my mind begins thinking of ways to justify the feeling. Both practices help me notice the early signs of an anxiety attack and then refocus before my mind and body become entrenched in it.

The one area of my life that I did let go was this blog. Throughout I kind of wondered what role this blog may play in my perfectionist tendencies. For certain, it was one more area in my life where I wanted to perform well. And where I held very high expectations of myself. Letting it go was like exposure therapy...what if I failed? But it was also a relief, letting myself off my own hook. In some ways it was just impossible to maintain it. I mean, I really haven't cared about fashion or entertaining at all during this. My interests have gone to the wayside, hard. And I've also felt intensely private and even now, sharing this story is challenging. Even so, I've been hoping that when I began to feel better I would have the space to pick it back up.

And I am feeling better. I've come to understand that anxiety/depression is an actual condition I have, like diabetes or asthma. It's been very difficult for me to accept this, it's mental illness after all. Nobody likes that label. But the fact is that it's all over my family tree. Many of us are treating it in healthy pro-active ways and for others it shows up as alcoholism and other addictions. I've spent a lot of time talking to my family about their experiences and symptoms which was great because I ended up feeling less alone and freakish. This also helped me understand that in addition to the spiritual, emotional, and dietary methods I'd been using, I also needed to consider a chemical component. I was just really resistant to using medication but after 4 months, it was clear there was something missing from my treatment plan. After much research and debate, I've been on Wellbutrin for a month and I finally feel like I'm on a well rounded course of treatment. I still have a mountain to climb (we all do) but at least now I have shoes on.

So that's my story. I'm on my way to feeling less like this:

And more like this:


And that's somethin'.

Nuffing

Ask W what he's doing up there, or what he wants for dinner, you're likely to get that answer. Nuffing. And if you asked me what I'm up to, particularly on the blog, the answer would be the same. Nuffing.

The sharp drop in posting this fall was directly correlated to the dramatic increase in stress at work. The amount of hours I had to put in for the past four or so months was just unreasonable and to be honest, the stress of that was pretty tough to deal with. But as it does every year, January has brought the slow season at work and my load is much lighter.

I knew things would slow down and I had hoped I would jump right back into the blog once they did. But it hasn't turned out that way. I have to admit I feel guilty about that, a little bit. I mean, I have a healthy over achiever streak, at least when it comes to my own expectations. I should be able to post every day. Or three days a week. Gotta retain my (awesome) readers, don't want to look like a slacker. That's what the voice says anyway.

I've spent a lot of time in these months reflecting on what the purpose is of this blog. In the end, it all comes down to me just having a place to share what I'm interested in at any given moment. Well, in the past few months, what I've been interested in is defying that voice that keeps me feeling guilty and not good enough. It would be cool if I wrote about that journey more often because if my blog is proof, I love to share tips and ideas about almost anything that's on my mind. And I know a lot of us struggle with this. Personal stuff like that is a challenge for me though, so let's file that under work in progress for now. That's good enough.

I can say this, one of the best strategies I'm using right now is "nuffing". Instead of muscling through, I'm sitting with it. Right now, doing the thing I'm afraid of (not taking action) is forcing me to focus on an internal sense of value and not on anything I produce. I think I'm on to something with this. But I'm also scared that I'm just being lazy and rationalizing it really well. That voice isn't going down without a fight.

There's no tidy ending here. I'm not there yet because I'm still in it. But I wanted to try writing about this. There's truth revealed when you see your own thoughts in writing because at the very least, the words you choose mean something. And I guess that's not nuffing.

Chilly? Make Some Chili!

During the Winter months I like to make soups and stews on the weekends in large batches. They make a quick warm lunch during the week. They also tend to be diet friendly, especially those that are bean or lentil based, rather than pasta or potato. One of my faves is good old fashioned chili. My recipe evolved from Callie's, which probably came from my mom. The great thing about recipes like this is that you can pretty much customize them however you like. But here's what I do.

Ingredients:

• 1 lb stew beef (cut into even smaller pieces or use ground beef if you prefer)
• 1 15 oz can kidney beans
• 1 15 oz can black beans
• 1 15 oz can diced tomatoes
• 1 6 oz can tomato paste
• half white onion, diced
• 2 cups V-8 (use spicy if you want more heat)
• 1 packet chili seasoning
• 1 lime, halved (not pictured)

Steps:

1. Combine beef, onion, and juice from one half of the lime in a skillet over medium-high heat until the beef is browned. Do not cook the beef all the way or it will get tough later.
2. Drain the beans and combine with V-8, chili seasoning mix, juice of remaining lime half, diced tomatoes, and meat/onion mixture in a large pot.
3. Bring to a boil.
4. Reduce heat to low, cover, and let simmer for at least 30 minutes.
5. Stir in tomato paste to thicken.
6. Serve hot. Refrigerate left overs.
   

But the chili is only half the story here. The toppings are where you can really get creative. My mom always served chili with shredded lettuce, cheese, and Fritos. It was awesome. When I got older, I added a dollop of sour cream. But nowadays, I can't really feel good about having Fritos in the house, for obvious reasons. My favorite topping now is diced onion, shredded white cheddar, and mustard. But Fritos on top of that would be awesome. Damn, now I'm thinking about Fritos.

Friday Funnies

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